Random Thoughts by Pina

I was meant for you Pt. 1

2011-11-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

Saturday marks my 6th year of marriage to an amazing man. 6 years ago I had no Idea what was in store for me.

I first met Sean when I was about 15 or 16 and he was about 20 or 21. We were both camp councilors at a kids camp at my church. I thought he was a cool and funny guy, but not as cool and funny as his best friend Kevin. That year (I believe) was when Worship Generation started at my church and even though it was meant for college kids, the high schoolers enjoyed going also. Who wouldnt enjoy going to hear amazing music, with less supervision than high school ministry and hearing a nerdy music geek teach us how to find God in our everyday lives (yes even secular music and disney movies!! GASP!!!)

Sean was the guy who did the announcements. He would always add a little personal story or something funny to it. One time he did an announcement from the toilet...we loved it. As always with a large group of people there were some people who didnt quite fit in. This was a nice group of people however there were still some weird people who just didnt quite fit in. I remember once watching Sean ( who was definitely in the "cool" crowd) purposefully go and talk to these people. Not just talk to them, but enjoy them. I admired him so much then. My 16 year old mind was to worried at that point about my reputation to bother to talk to people like that. Sean had no idea but he changed my life that day.

Over the years I watched him from afar, always admiring his funny and cool disposition. There was never any romantic interest. I just thought he was an awesome guy who was super old. We once danced together at a 70's themed party, well not like slow danced but just danced. He was wearing a powder blue 70's style suit and was absolutely adorable in it. When I was 17 I was getting ready to go to bible college and he was getting ready to spend a semester abroad in spain. We exchanged email addresses but never wrote each other.

While he was in spain having his life changing experiences (and a foriegn love interest) I was in bible college growing in ways I never thought I would. I made some of my best friends there who still have such an impact on my life. Johanna, my lifeline...the one who I can always count on...always, the one who I know prays for my marriage and me and the one who I have countless hours of silent laughter with. Laura, random and funny...pray warrior and soon to be mommy. Amy-who I never talk to, but will always feel a strong bond in my heart to her. Heather-not really a new friend :) just an amazing forever friend. When I went home on break I heard some things about Sean Brown, mainly that he was going to germany. I briefly wondered if I would ever see him again. Then moved on with the rest of my life. I was getting ready for my adventure to Peru.

In Peru I met my first love. He didnt speak very much english, I didnt speak very much spanish, but it didnt matter. We were in love. Of course my parents were freaking out. I dont really blame them, although their words cut deep and their dissaproval hurt, I understand where they were coming from. My relationship with him was one of the most godly relationships I have ever had. And when it ended I knew that God had ordained it for a reason. I have zero regrets about it and wouldnt have changed a thing.

While in peru, my mom called me one day from church hoping that I would be able to talk to some of my friends on the phone. The only one who was available was Sean. We had a brief conversation and then my mom was on the phone. I made a random comment that I always thought Sean was hot. But I was in love so it didnt matter :)

When I came home from bible college my sister and I moved into an apartment together that happened to be next door to sean. Thats when things heated up between Sean and I. We started hanging out all the time. We had so much fun together. One night Sean was alseep on my couch (Erika alseep on the other couch of course) and I was reading on floor, he surprised me by kissing me. Now I have only kissed 1 other person in my life so this was kinda a big deal for me.

Our dating time was really weird. We were impulsive, instead of taking things slow and prayerfully we jumped into a relationship and made out way to much. It really put distance between me and God and after 3 months we broke up. It was heart breaking partly because we had been so physical with each other and partly because I felt like now I would loose my best friend...

To be continued...

Nervous

2011-05-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

I just noticed today that there was a comment left on my crock pot chicken recipe post. I think I know who it was from...I have a couple friends named Michelle so I am not 100% sure. She said she had just put the chicken in the crock pot. I immediately felt a little sick...like oh crap...people are actually reading...and trying one of my recipes...and I got scared. What if it didnt turn out good for them?! What if the hate it and it is a complete wast of food!!! So scary!!

Anyways...I just thought I would share. Have a great weekend Y'all!

Crock Pot Chicken

2011-05-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I went to make this chicken the other day and suddenly realized that I had no onions!!! WTF...How did that happen? Anyways...I went ahead and made the chicken anyways because 1. it was the middle of the night (what can I say, I work the night shift) 2. I really needed the meat for another recipe I was making. So this is how you make delicious crock pot chicken. Usually when I make a chicken in the crock pot I am going to use the meat for something else. In my opinion, it is not as tasty as roasting it in an oven. But this time it turned out really good! It could have been the centerpiece of a meal!

What you will need:

-1 Whole organic chicken (I get mine from costco) I have no idea how much it weighed...sorry...

-Lots of salt (like a couple tablespoons)...and I know what you are thinking, that seems like alot of salt, and it is for 1 meal. But depending on how many mouths you have to feed This chicken is going to make 3 or 4 meals. So dont worry about the salt.

-A pinch of pepper

-Some fresh, finely chopped parsely

-5 garlic cloves

and thats it!

-1 apple cut into sliced

-1/2 onion roughly chopped (but like I said before I didnt have the onion and it was fine)

Ok, so the first thing I did was take the guts out of the chicken (it comes with the inerds in a bag inside. And dont be afraid to get intimate with your chicken, you bought it!! The next thing you do is shower the chicken with salt...really coat the inside and outside with salt. Sprinkle some pepper on the outside. Then take the parsely and smear it all over the inside and outside of the chicken. Shove the entire apple and a couple garlic cloves inside the chicken. Line the bottom of the pot with onion and the place the chicken in the crock pot. Shove some garlic in between the body and the wings and legs. The more garlic the better! Set the crock pot to low for 5 1/2 hours...and leave it alone. I seriously think that is why it turned out so good, I just went to bed and forgot about the entire time it cooked and it was amazing. The skin was nice and crispy and the meat was so moist and tender. I served it with some mashed sweet potatoes.

You can do alot with the meat from this chicken, I made stir fry, soup, and taco meat from it...so it was used for 4 meals. Now that is pretty awesome!

Enjoy! And remember, never be afraid of whole chickens! Then are cheaper and so easy to work with!!

Paleo lifestyle.

2011-05-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

So, since I started on this paleo journey I really have not looked back. Part of what I love about it is that I really dont have to think about what I am eating. I mean...obviously it takes some time to meal plan and prepare but I cooked every night before I started so that wasnt to hard of a transition for me. What I mean when I say you dont have to think about it is when you are eating high quality fruit, veggies, nuts, and meat there is no need to count calories or feel guilty after you eat. I used to eat a meal and instantly feel super fat and gross (I know that is also an insecurity thing, not just a food quality thing). Now I eat a meal and move on...well...usually I think about how delicious it was :)

My version of paleo is a little more strict than the average person. For most people the bottom line is no gluten, and avoid corn, legumes, grains, dairy, sugars and sweeteners. The average paleo person will have a corn tortilla every once in a while. Some grass fed milk, and even honey or agave. I cannot have any of those things because of endometriosis. My purpose in doing this diet is to stop the endometrial cells from growing outside my uterus. Apparently it is all about regulating insulin levels.

Now the first 3 or 4 weeks I was doing really well, but I was still eating quite a bit of fruit and nuts. Now I am really focusing on limiting my fruit intake. Right now I am eating about 1/2 a serving of fruit a day. I am really trying to naturally cure this thing!!

Alot of the recipes I use come from various sources. But recently I purchased the book, "Everyday Paleo". It is written by a mom from my hometown. It is not just a cookbook...it is an amazing resource. I even tried one of the workouts in the back of the book today...kicked my butt!! The recipes are super easy. One night when I had to work my husband had offered to make dinner. I had planned on making the lasagna from the book but ran out of time. My husband offered to make it and let me be honest...I was not an optimist about it. My husband doesn't have as much cooking experience as I do so I try to leave him really simple recipes when I cant make dinner. When I came home from work the next morning (I work nights) the house smelled amazing. I ate some of the lasagna for breakfast that day and it was so good! My point with this story is that a lasagna is something I NEVER thought my husband could make and he did it. The recipe was so well written and easy to follow.

Every recipe I have tried has been so good. If you cant get the book you should definitely check out her blog because she posts tons of recipes and has a great pod cast. Her blog is at www.everydaypaleo.com .

Anyways, so I get alot of my ideas from there, but people have been asking me for some of my own recipes so I am going to start posting them here. Mainly so I don't forget!

This was a really long post...sorry!!

Cabin Fever

2011-03-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

I think the hardest part about this whole deal is staying at home. I get so bored...and so tired of being at home all day long. It helps when people come to visit and break up the monotony of it. Good thing this is temporary!! Natalie brought me some awesome thai basil...my last hurrah before embracing this whole paleo world. Jenee brought some soup over which was a huge blessing. Sean even packed it for his lunch the next day. Erica and malachai came over twice. The first time they just hung out. Malachai read some Miley Cyrus magazines and then fell asleep on the couch. The second time they took me to Trader Joe's. My mom and grandma stopped by and dropped off some decaf coffee for me. And my mother in law is making fajitas for my lunch today. I cant wait to cook again. Hopefully my husband will let me soon. He doesn't want me to do anything...ever. I told him that women go through this kind of surgery all the time (c-section) and they have babies to take care of when they get home! Oh well...I guess I should enjoy it while it lasts.

Today Sean left for work and told me that I needed to spend some time in prayer this morning. I had shared with him that I felt like I was wasting my days and that for whatever reason I have not spent any time seeking God during my time at home. That is probably contributing to why I am so annoyed at staying home! So I did...and it helped. I definitely feel better today.

There is a storm raging outside. I love it! Probably because we still have power. And I don't have to be out in it. But to be honest with you...I probably would love to be out in it. I love windy stormy weather. I love bundling up in sweaters, boots, scarves, jackets, and hats and being in the weather.

I called my work today. I am trying to figure out a day when I can go back. My doctor said that I can go back after 2 weeks but I can do no heavy lifting for 4 to 6 weeks. I am anxious to talk to my manager about when I can come back. I guess I just want a start date so that I can have a goal to look forward.

Yesterday was the first day that I actually felt like the pain has gotten better. When I am laying down I get this false sense of no pain. Then when I stand up it hurts. But it is definitely tolerable.

This was kinda a mishmash of subjects...If you read it all the way through I am proud of you!!

Things I am grateful for

2011-03-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

Ok...I feel like I am going through the darkest days of my life, so I have decided to list all of the things I am grateful for. I realize that people go through trials that are much harder than mine. I think I have just been blessed with such good health for so long that being hit with a chronic illness has really laid me out. I am a wimp!

Ok, here is the list

1. Jesus Christ who is faithful even when I am completely without faith. I will admit that my faith sometimes doesnt seem as strong as even a mustard seed.

2. Sean, he has been very patient and loving and supportive and helpful. I keep thinking maybe he has had enough (I have been all over the place with my emotions lately) but he remains patient and kind. I think we have grown closer because of this.

3. My left ovary...LOL...seriously...it gives me hope, hahahaha.

4. All my friends who visited me and those who havent. I still feel their support. Poor Erica tried to visit me yesterday but I was so tired and kinda sick to my stomach, I asked her not to come. SORRY ERICA!!

5. Natalie who is on her way with thai food for me to eat, YEAH!!!

6. Ibuprofon, I took my last Norco on sunday night and have been trying to keep the pain under control with ibuprofon. I think I probably would be more comfortable if I was taking Norco, but I just dont want to deal with the side effects. It makes me super sleepy and a little dizzy. I am already super sleepy all of the time anyways.

7. No headache, usually when I nap or lay in bed for a long time I have a raging headache. Maybe it is because of the ibuprofon I have been taking, but I have no headache! Yay!

Ok, I am sure there is much more...I will update later. Oh, and since I have decided to follow a strict paleo diet to enhance my healing ability, I would like to ask that anyone who visits doesnt bring me cookies or sweets. As much as I LOVE them, if they are in the house I will eat them and I am really trying to eat in a way that promotes optimal health!!

Thanks everyone!!!

Gratitude?

2011-03-21T17:45:00.001-07:00

This is a word I never thought I would be struggling with. But these past couple days my life has had some twists and turns that I never expected. I think it is interesting that my facebook status on thursday said, "My life is drastically different than I ever planned for it to be, and for that I am grateful." Than friday happened, and I am not sure if grateful is the word I would use to describe how I feel.

I had a horrible experience with a doctor here in town. When I told him that I wanted a second opinion he basically said that was a stupid idea and that I should just trust what he says. I am sorry...but that is not the way I make decisions regarding my health. I am an educated person who makes educated decisions. He was trying to take that away from me. I called my the on call line for my gynecologist in tears and she reassured me that I didnt need to start the drug that day and she moved her schedule around to see me on monday. I am so glad.

So now, I am facing some tough decisions. I am leaning towards taking the drug and also adopting a strict paleo diet in an effort to decrease the inflammation in my body caused by the rupture of my gigantic cyst.

I am trying my hardest to trust in the Lord...but it is difficult...I would be lying if I said I havent been pretty emotional these days. It is hard. But I am so thankful for Sean, he has been there for me through everything.

One more thing, I appreciate all of the success stories people have been telling me about conceiving after loosing an ovary or inspite of endometriosis, but honestly I dont really need to hear about all of the success stories. I am just trying to be the healthiest I can be and have come to terms with the fact that I may not have children from my body and that is ok. If I was to get pregnant, that would be amazing, if not...I would survive. Actually more than survive. I would understand that I am supposed to adopt...which I have always felt called to.

Surgery

2011-03-19T02:51:00.000-07:00

Well, as of 6: 00 pm yesterday, I am not longer a surgery virgin. I woke friday morning with excruciating pain. I have had ovarian cysts before and they were very painful, but nothing compared to this. Sean came home from work and took me to the hospital where they gave me a cat scan and determined that I had an 8 cm long cyst residing in between my uterus and my intestines. The doctor (the same one who delivered me it turns out) recommended that I have surgery to remove it. He said he would try to save my ovaries and my ability to have kids.

I will be honest...it was a little scary going into surgery, but I have received really great for the nurses here. The doctor ended up having to take one of my ovaries but was able to save the other, thank God. He was really sweet and told me that my fertility was on the forefront of my mind. Most of my girlfriends know about the issues I have been having with my ovaries and overall pelvic pain that I have been experiencing for quite some time now. Well it turns out that I have endometriosis, which was my suspicion for a long time now. He removed all of it, but it will most likely come back. I ask that you all pray that it doesnt come back soon because if it came back and attacked my other ovary, it would hinder by ability to have kids. If that happened I am sure I would be ok and I know that God will sustain me...but I would prefer to keep one of my ovaries for a while :) Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers...it means alot to me.

Bomb Breakfast

2011-01-24T10:08:00.000-08:00

I made a bomb breakfast for myself...If I dont say so myself. I cracked 2 eggs in a bowl, added 1 diced zucchini, 1/3 of a red bell pepper cut in to small pieces, a handful of spinach torn into pieces, salt, pepper, and salsa. I mixed it all together, cooked it in some olive oil and topped it with more salsa and some tapatio...it was BOMB!!! I love cooking!

Things I am loving lately

2011-01-06T16:24:00.000-08:00

-Whole organic chicken from Costco

-Whole organic chicken thighs from Costco (breast are to expensive)

-Organic Marinera sauce from Costco (32 ounces for like 2.99 each!!!)

-Curvy fit jeans from target (only 24 dollars!!!)

-New converse (christmas present)

-New guitar (also from christmas)

-New sports bra...so amazing I almost want to write a whole post about it...but I will

spare my vast audience

In which I take a deep breath...and trust...

2011-01-05T20:42:00.000-08:00

I failed this year. I failed at most of the important relationships in my life. I can basically say I failed in most of the important parts and some of the less important parts of my life. So...at the end of 2010 I find myself at an impasse. I can either wallow in my own self pity...like I am really good at doing, and continue in a downward spiral of crapness...or I can pick myself up, dust off my shoulders and try harder. This is going to be a huge year for me...and I want to fully embrace it but this time actually acknowledging and seeking the Lord.

So, some new years resolutions...

-Less pride, more love

-Less gossip, more love

-Less Judgment, more love

Do you see a theme here?

-More physical health

-More organic cooking

-Get a job

-Form traditions

-Seek God 1st

-Give love to those without love

-Instill hope in the hopeless

-Stand up for the orphan

-Reach out to homeless people...or at least dont look down on them as

if I am better or something...I guess that goes along with the whole less judgement

more love thing.

There is so much more...I just want to make a lasting impression on the world. I want to be a better wife, friend, daughter, student, christian, sister...etc...

completely

Above all, I need to learn to trust God....completely. This blog is kinda all over the place, forgive me...I guess I am just pretty scattered tonight.

Going organic

2010-06-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

So one thing I needed to conquer in my quest to go organic was cooking with whole chickens. The money you save by buying whole chickens is amazing...and costco is the cheapest place to get them but the thought of tackling a whole chicken is frightening!

The first time I tried cooking a whole chicken, I roasted it for about 1 1/2 hours...it didnt cook all the way through. Which is ok because I was planning on using the meat for various dishes, like enchiladas, tacos, stir fry, etc.

Today I decided to cook it in the crock pot. I put a layer of onions and garlic on the bottom of the crock pot and I covered the chicken in montreal steak seasoning (no MSG...YAY!!!). I let it cook on low for about 6 1/2 hours. After 4 hours I threw in some organic orange carrots from trader joe's and some organic purple carrots and organic red potatoes from the farmers market. Seriously...buying from the farmer's market makes me feel so good! I love supporting the farmers and I love buying local produce. The carrots from trader joe's are so good, and the price cant be beat. I love having organic carrots around to snack on.

Anyways, back to the chicken....it was perfect. The flavor was amazing and the meat fell right off the bones. We had some for dinner tonight and we will have enough to make 3 or 4 other dishes also. If I feel like I wont use it fast enough I will just throw the rest in the freezer until I need it. Oh yeah, and the carrots and potatoes were so yummy. I love cooking yummy food that I know is not going to harm my body.

I also made some whole wheat pesto cheese bread. I have a basil plant that has been producing like crazy lately. I but a handful of basil leaves, 2 cloves or garlic, a couple tablespoons of butter, a drizzle of olive oil (trader joe's is the cheapest), and some parmesan cheese in a food processor and pulsed it until it was all mixed together and the garlic and basil were chopped down to the size that I wanted. I spread it on the bread and baked it until it was crispy (it was probably a little to crispy because I forgot about it). I thought it was delicious but Sean wanted more butter...oh well :)

Turning over a new leaf

2010-06-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

So, when I got a gym membership about 10 months ago I agreed with my husband that I should be working out about 3 times a week to make my gym membership financially worth it. I was doing really good until about 2 months ago. I think that finals, along with getting a new job, new schedule, and my own laziness has really got in the way. Lately I have been lucky if I make it to the gym 2 times a week...

The interesting thing is that I am finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable in my own skin. I have learned to finally embrace the way God made me and realize that no matter what my outer appearance looks like the true beauty comes from a heart after God.

I have comes to terms with what a real woman looks like. Not the woman on the cover of Cosmo, not the woman in any victoria secret catalogue. Those women are beautiful...but they are fake. They have no ounce of cellulite, they NEVER have stretch marks, their skin is perfectly smooth. A real woman, no matter how physically fit they are will have cellulite and wrinkles if they have spent any amount of time in the sun. In fact, those models probably do have some sort of cellulite or stretch marks but they are air brushed out. Some people get stretch marks just from growing! For the record...mine are not from growing...hahaha...

Anways, fake women have become unattractive to me...and I have really started to see the beauty in real women. I feel bad for the models who are told that their "flaws" need to be airbrushed out. They must have such a poor body image.

Anyways...my reasons for working out have shifted. Yeah, working out makes my body look better and makes me feel better about myself, but the real reason why I do it is so I can be a healthy old lady. The happy and healthy older ladies that I work with all are in shape and still as active as they can be. They probably didnt go to gyms, the lifestyle in the 30s and 40s was different. The women that I am talking about cook balanced meals, they walk as much as they can, and they are happy.

So...I am turning over a new leaf. I will start going to the gym at least 3 (hopefully 4 or 5) days a week. But not only do I need to be working out my body, but my spirit needs exercise and feeding also. I need to nurture my relationship with God and honor him in all that I do. I am so grateful for the time God has granted me on this earth and I want to honor him with not only my heart and mind but with my body also.

update

2010-06-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

So...I realized that I tend to not post until I have a big long blog about something that I feel is a huge issue or whatever. I am going to try and post more often just about my daily life along with the big important (to me) posts :)

So, I finished my 3rd semester of nursing school. It was difficult in different ways. Instead of being really academically challenging the hardships came in the form of bad communication between teachers, and just not really knowing what to do. I felt as if this semester they just kind of threw us out in the hospital practically on our own and didnt really explain what was expected of us. Somehow I floundered my way through it and my patients recieved the care they needed...I just felt like I needed to take some ativan before every shift :)

Anyways, I have been working as a CNA now for about a month at a home health agency. At first I really hated it, but I have started to see some benefits from me working there. It has helped to be more thorough with my paperwork and I am learning how to take care of people in their homes, which I think is very helpful.

I have not been to church in about 3 weeks. I told my work that I was ok with working on sundays because my church offers a saturday night service. I have been scheduled every sunday from 7:30am-7:30pm. Every saturday night something comes up or I end up spending time with Sean instead of going to church. I realized that I actually do have a problem with working on sundays so I am going to ask for them off starting in august. I didnt think I would have a problem but getting to church on saturday nights is just to hard for me.

We are planning on going to see our good friends in tennessee next month. I am very excited to have a week off work with my hubby and our good friends!

Speaking of good friends, I am so grateful for the women God has placed in my life. They are such good friends and our random girl's nights are very much needed. Even if all we end up doing is go to wallmart...it is still fun.

On another note, I have decided to try and go completely organic. It was a hard decision for me because I am seriously such a cheapskate. I have been buying organic whole chickens and organic ground beef. And almost all the veggies and fruit I buy is organic. It feels good knowing that I am making food that hopefully wont harm us in any way. I have always had a passion for nutrition and eating healthy, so using organic foods fits my personality and lifestyle pretty good.

Some posts that all 3 (hehehehe) of my readers can count on are, 1. My review of the book, "The Shack," (just so you know...I loved it and think it is silly that so many people think it is a horrible book). 2. More stuff about body image...and much more.

Thanks for reading. I love you all!

Plastic People

2010-05-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

Why is our country obsessed with looking perfect? Why do we go to such great lengths to hang on to our youthful appearance? Why is looking "old" not considered attractive? Why do women want to surgically remove any evidence that they ever were pregnant?

Beth Moore states, "Today’s women face unrealistic expectations, and then we’re bombarded with unrealistic images every day, making us more and more insecure. We’re insecure about everything from our looks to our worth as women, from our relationships to our futures, and everythingelse in between. You name it, and we’re probably insecure about it." http://www.solonginsecurity.com/

These questions have been troubling me for some time now. I dont know how many times I have heard people around me saying that they cant wait until they are done having babies so they can "fix" their bodies. I usually tell jokes and try to make it seem funny but I am really heart broken on the inside. Where did this obsession with having the perfect body come from?

I am a huge fan of exercise and nutrition and being fit. Women should be healthy, they should strive to stay at a healthy weight and look attractive for their husbands. I also think that husbands should do their part to make women, especially the women who bore their children, feel like they are beautiful.

Forgive me for being crass, but men should speak up to their wives, let them know that saggy boobs, saggy skin, stretch marks and all of the other things that come along with being pregnant are all beautiful because they were caused by the mother sacrificing her comfort and body to bear their children.

The book, Let me be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot has some great insights on motherhood and "womanhood." This book is a series of letters she wrote to her daughter in the months that preceded her wedding. Here is a quote,

"...surely motherhood, in a deeper sense, is the essence of womanhood. The body of every normal woman prepares itself repeatedly to receive and to bear. Motherhood requires self-giving, sacrifice, suffering. It is a going down into death in order to give life, a great human analogy of a great spiritual principle (Paul wrote, "Death worketh in us but life in you"). Womanhood is a call. It is a vocation to which we respond under God, glad if it means the literal bearing of children, thankful as well for all that it means in a much wider sense, that in which every woman, married or single, fruitful or barren, may participate--the unconditional response exemplified for all time in Mary the virgin, and the willingness to enter into suffering, to receive, to carry, to give life, to nurture and to care for others.

The strength to answer this call is given us as we look up toward the Love that created us, remembering that it was that Love that first, most literally, imagined sexuality, that made us at the very beginning real men and real woman. As we conform to that Love's demands we shall become more humble, more dependent--on Him and on one another--and even (dare I say it?) more splendid."

I am not a mother. I do not know what it is like to sacrifice one's self as much as a mother does. However I do see the beauty in motherhood. Nothing is more beautiful than a mamma after giving birth. My friends who have had children and the women I have cared for in OB have a beauty and glow that cannot be replicated. I just wish they would realize it. I wish they could love the body that bore their children.

The other troubling thing about cosmetic surgery is the amount of money spent on it. One of my teachers made this interesting statement in class the other day (once again forgive the crassness of the statement), "More money in this country is spent on plastic surgery than on Alztiemer's research; so people are going to have huge boobs and giant erections and no one is going to know what to do with them". The statement itself is pretty funny...yet ever so troubling. Here is a list of the cost of the top procedures done in 2005.

PROCEDURE	SURGEON/PHYSICIAN FEE
Botox® injection	$382
Breast implant removal	$2,086
Breast augmentation saline	$3,583
Breast augmentation silicone	$4,005
Breast lift	$4,258
Breast reduction	$5,550
Breast reduction in men	$3,305
Buttock lift	$4,878
Cellulite massage treatment	$223
Cheek implant	$2,720
Chemical peel	$848
Chin augmentation	$2,095
Collagen injection	$333
Dermabrasion	$1,376
Ear surgery	$2,951
Eyelid surgery	$2,813
Facelift	$6,298
Fat injection	$1,053
Fibril injection	$440
Forehead lift	$3,148
Gynecomastia treatment	$3,305
Laser hair removal	$347
Laser skin resurfacing	$2,484
Laser treatment of leg veins	$407
Lip augmentation (surgical)	$1,819
Liposuction (suction-assisted)	$2,697
Liposuction (ultrasound-assisted)	$2,979
Lower body lift	$7,810
Microdermabrasion	$149
Rhinoplasty	$4,188
Sclerotherapy	$326
Soft Tissue Fillers - Autologous Fat	$1,395
Soft Tissue Fillers - Calcium hydroxylapatite (Radiesse/Radiance)	$911
Soft Tissue Fillers - Collagen	$398-488
Soft Tissue Fillers - Hyaluronic acid (Hylaform, Restylane)	$527
Thigh lift	$4,653
Tummy tuck	$5,232
Upper arm lift	$3,610

http://www.smartplasticsurgery.com/surgery/costs.html#CS

Shouldnt we be spending our money on something more useful?! On clothing the orphan or feeding the widow?!?

I want to make one thing clear here, I am in no way trying to judge people who make these choices. Most of you know that I am slightly cross eyed and I honestly would love it if there was a procedure that would straighten my eye. However since I have been married I have truly come to terms with my eyes and it is mostly thanks to my husband. He made me start to look him in the eye and he told me countless times that my eyes are beautiful and that I am unique because of it.

I am going to be writing more on this as I pray about it. Ultimately I know that the most important thing is that every woman (and man) experiences the powerful love of God.

One more thing, I know this is way to long, but if there are any men reading this I want to challenge you. I dont know if you realize this but the things you say to your wife GREATLY impact them. You may not even be thinking about what comes out of your mouth because maybe you are not that serious, but you wife will think about it for days. An offhand remark about her body after giving birth can be damaging. Men you have so much more power than you think. Focus on building up your wife, encourage her to be healthy and tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her you are so amazed that she was able to grow and birth your children! Think about the words that come out of your mouth before you say them to your wife because we listen and we take those words to heart.

my 2nd recipe post!

2010-03-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

ok....so I am really excited about this. I am eating it right now and it is amazing. I think I will call it...Mexican Inspired Tangy Beefy Thing.

Ok so the ingredients are...

-21/2 cups of green salsa (costco is selling an amazing green salsa right now, really flavorful and cheap)

-1 cup brown rice

-Some cut of beef...probably half a pound...

-1/3 of a block of cream cheese

-Chile powder

-Lemon pepper

-A little bit of onion

-Some frozen peas

1. Start off by cooking your brown rice. It takes about 40 minutes to cook and the rest of the meal is really quick. Pour 1 cup of water mixed with 2 cups of the green salsa into a pot, add rice and bring to a boil, add about 1/2 cup of frozen peas. Once it is boiling evenly put the lid on and turn the heat on low and let it simmer for about 40 minutes.

2. Watch part of an episode of Parenthood, cry, laugh...long for children...oh wait, that is optional :) Just basically wait until you have about 20 minutes left for the rice or not...I dont really care.

3. Cut beef into thick strips, the trick to doing this is to either have it be partially thawed or put it in the freezer for 1/2 hour before you cut it. It will be stiff enough to cut into thin strips.

4. Sautee some onion (cut into teeny tiny pieces) in a little olive oil for about 2 minutes.

5. Add meat, a palm size helping of chile powder, a dash of salt, and some lemon pepper. Stir fry for about 2 minutes. Beef cooks really fast so dont overdo it.

6. Add cream cheese and the remaining 1/2 cup of green salsa, and stir it around until it melts into a wonderful creamy tangy goodness.

7. By now your rice is probably done so spoon some onto your plate and cover it with the beefy, cheesy, goodness.

About the beef, I dont know anything about it. I just buy what is cheap at costco. I would also reccomend adding a spinach salad to this or maybe somed sauteed bell peppers and put them on top. Because you need more veggies than this recipe had to offer. I just didnt want to go to eh store and buy it.

When Sean came home I informed that I was experimenting in the kitchen. This was a succesful experiment.

Oh, and for you veggies, I recommend mixing some beans and cream cheese with the rice mixture. Beans and brown rice make a complete protein!

my 1st recipe blog!

2010-03-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

I decided to be like Laurie and post a recipe. I love to cook, especially after a long day. It is therapeutic for me. I also try to stay away from SAD (standard American diet). SAD causes issues with your body...and I am not just talking about digestive issues either!

Anyways, today I made a yummy couscous dish and I decided to share it. If you haven't had couscous yet, go to Trader Joe's and buy the whole wheat couscous. It is good, and cheap. BTW, when I first made couscous for my husband he didn't like the texture, he said it felt like fish eggs...I continue to make it and he seems to have gotten over the texture.

So here it goes...my first recipe blog...someday I will get really fancy and post pictures...but I am not quite ready for that!

Ingredients

2 chicken breasts cut into teeny tiny pieces(optional, this would be perfectly fine without meat, however I am married to a man who thinks he needs meet or he will waste away)

1 zucchini also cut into teeny tiny pieces

2 tomatoes cut into teeny tiny pieces (do you sense a pattern)

1/4 onion and 1 clove of garlic cut into teeny tiny pieces

About 1/2 cup of frozen peas

About 1 1/2 cups of chicken broth mixed with 1 1/2 cups of salsa (or what I did was cook taco meat in the slow cooker earlier in the week and saved the broth. I usually cook it in a whole jar of salsa, water to cover the chicken and some Mexican spices. The broth is divine and I always save it either for Spanish rice or other inventions like this.)

1 1/2 cups of couscous

1 tablespoon of olive oil.

Some Chile powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper

1. Saute onion and garlic in olive oil for a couple minutes

2. Add chicken, add some salt and pepper, and stir fry it until it is close to being done

3. Add other veggies stir fry them for a couple minutes

4. Add couscous and chicken broth/salsa stuff

5. Add garlic powder (just a little remember there is already garlic in the dish, you actually don't even have to add garlic powder, I am just excessive when it comes to garlic) and Chile powder.

6. Bring to a boil, put a lid on and then turn of the stove and let it sit for 5 minutes. Couscous only takes 5 minutes to cook!!!

7. Taste it and if you are excessive like me add more Chile powder and salt at the end.

Warning, this makes alot of food. I usually cook big meals so we can have leftovers to take for our lunches and also again for dinner a couple days later. This was probably to much but my husband went for a bike ride today and I have a feeling he will be really hungry when he gets home. His brother is with him also so I think it is OK, but on a normal day I would not have made so much because we probably would not have been able to finish it ourselves I really don't like to waste food.

Cold couscous is good with a spinach salad or just by itself. Have I mentioned I love couscous?

Documenting my life

2010-03-13T20:12:00.001-08:00

This semester has been hard.

We are tired...of school, of studying, of always having more school work to do, of not having any time together...and much more.

I feel like our marriage has been strong though. We have been weary and procrastinating. I just feel like I have been in school for so long!

The good news is I got a new journal which always helps me to get in the word more. I have had quite a few journals over the years. They are all usually half complete because whenever I feel as though I am entering a new season in life I start a new journal.

We received a gift card to a wonderful restaurant for Christmas so I decided to bring my camera and document one of the very rare date nights we had. It was so fun and relaxing and we had great fellowship. I embarrassed my husband by taking pictures of our food and stuff, however I don't care.

Let me just say that this salad was by far the best meal I have ever eaten at a restaurant. At first I was a little skeptical, I believe it was called a flash grilled romaine salad. Let me just say that grilled romaine lettuce is so good! It was tossed in a jalapeno ranch dressing with kalamata olives, cherry tomatoes, avocado, and feta cheese. It was absolutely amazing...I will go back (when we get another gift card :) and get it again.

After dinner Sean got coffee and I got tea at the naked lounge. It was good. We sat together and read an interesting article from a local paper about someone who was born in the 50's. It was good...and interesting...and a little sad.

Here we are looking cute :)

Good tea, good coffee.

Me reading.

We have been going on dates more often lately. We realized just how great it was to relax together...and I think the frequency of dates will help us along with the Lord's grace help us to not only get through this semester (Sean's last, my second to last) but to finish well.

Sad times

2010-02-23T00:09:00.000-08:00

I am so glad that people who are better writers than me such as, Paul, Laurie, and Aaron are writing against the Pearls and their "ministry." I often just feel like what I want to say sounds great in my head but I cant get the words to paper.

Anyways, Paul and Laurie are quoted in a great article from salon.com. Here is the link. http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/02/22/no_greater_joy/index.html

There are also links to Paul and Laurie's blogs on my right side bar. Go, read, and speak out if you can.

Friends...this cannot not go on. No more kids should be killed while receiving "christian chastisment."

Super Wife

2010-02-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

Ok...I realize that to most people this is a no big deal thing however, it made me feel like a super wife. I, Pina Marie, unclogged the toilet!!!

So, here is some personal background. I come from a family with amazing men. My father took out the trash, fixed everything on the cars (even checked the oil for me) and ALWAYS unclogged the toilet. If there was a clog and my dad was not home, no problem! Just close the lid and use the master bathroom until my dad came home from work and give the gross task to him after a long day of working at a job he disliked to provide for us. He is the dad, that is what they do right?

So, when I moved out of my parents house, before I got married, I took it upon myself to take out the trash and check the oil on my car...but I have never used a plunger. Today, my usual friday babysitting gig was canceled so I am home all day. And the toilet was clogged.

My first instinct to close the toilet, and wait until my hard working, stayed up all night last night studying, exhausted, sweet, and incredibly handsome husband came home after being in class ALL day today.... I made the noble decision that today was the day to rise above myself, to be a strong woman! I would unclog the toilet!!!

And I did...and it wasnt hard...and I feel amazing. Go ahead and make fun of me...I dont care. I am a super wife!

Prenatal Ultrasound

2010-02-17T09:01:00.000-08:00

If you know me well, you know that I am obsessed with birth. If you sit down and talk to me for longer than 10 minutes you will hear more than you ever wanted to know about birth, home birth, midwifery...and the list goes on.

Seriously, sometimes I embarrass myself. I will find myself talking about different kinds of birthing positions that will prevent tearing or an episiotomy with men...single men from church...

I have a problem.

The only way I can cure it is to actually become a midwife. Which is my ultimate dream, besides being a mother of course.

Anyways, I thought this article was interesting. It is from a midwifery newsletter that I get every month. It is about the risks of prenatal ultrasounds. Enjoy!

"One challenge that ultrasound operators face is keeping the transducer positioned over the part of the fetus the operator is trying to visualize. When fetuses move away from the stream of high-frequency sound waves, they may be feeling vibrations, heat or both. As the FDA warned in 2004, "ultrasound is a form of energy, and even at low levels, laboratory studies have shown it can produce physical effect in tissue, such as jarring vibrations and a rise in temperature."(9) This is consistent with research conducted in 2001 in which an ultrasound transducer aimed directly at a miniature hydrophone placed in a woman's uterus recorded sound "as loud as a subway train coming into the station."(10)

A rise in temperature of fetal tissue—especially since the expectant mother cannot even feel it—might not seem alarming, but temperature increases can cause significant damage to a developing fetus's central nervous system, according to research.(11) Across mammalian species, elevated maternal or fetal body temperatures have been shown to result in birth defects in offspring.(12) An extensive review of literature on maternal hyperthermia in a range of mammals found that "central nervous system (CNS) defects appear to be the most common consequence of hyperthermia in all species, and cell death or delay in proliferation of neuroblasts [embryonic cells that develop into nerve cells] is believed to be one major explanation for these effects."(13)

Why should neurodevelopmental defects in rats or other mammals be of concern to expecting women? Because, as Cornell University researchers proved in 2001, brain development proceeds in the same manner "across many mammalian species, including human infants."(14) The team found "95 neural developmental milestones" that helped them pinpoint the sequence of brain growth events in different species.(15) Therefore, if repeated experiments show that elevated heat caused by ultrasound damages fetal brains in rats and other mammals, one can logically assume that it can harm human brains, too.

In fact, the FDA and professional medical associations know that prenatal ultrasound can be dangerous to humans, which is why they have consistently warned against the nonmedical or "keepsake" ultrasound portrait studios that have cropped up in malls throughout the country.(16)

The risks to the baby are potentially higher in commercial enterprises due to the higher acoustic output required for high-definition images, a potentially long session—as technicians hunt for suitable images—and the employment of ultrasound operators who may have no medical background or appropriate training. These variables, along with factors such as cavitation (a bubbling effect caused by ultrasound that can damage cells) and on-screen safety indicators that may be inaccurate by a factor ranging from 2–6,(17) make the impact of ultrasound uncertain even in expert hands. Quite simply, if ultrasound can injure babies, it can cause the same damage whether done for routine, diagnostic or "entertainment" purposes."

References

Rados, Carol. 2004. FDA Cautions Against Ultrasound "Keepsake" Images. FDA Consumer Magazine. www.fda.gov/fdac/features/2004/104_images.html. Accessed 11 Sep 2005.
Samuel, Eugenie. 2001. Fetuses can hear ultrasound examinations. New Scientist. www.newscientist.com/article/dn1639-fetuses-can-hear-ultrasound-examinations-.htmlAccessed 11 May 2006.
Miller, M.W., et al. 2002. Hyperthermic teratogenicity, thermal dose and diagnostic ultrasound during pregnancy: implications of new standards on tissue heating. Int J Hyperthermia 18(5): 361–84.
Ibid.
Graham Jr., M., M.J. Edwards and M.J. Edwards. 1998. Teratogen Update: Gestational Effects of Maternal Hyperthermia Due to Febrile Illnesses and Resultant Patterns of Defects in Humans. Teratology 58: 209–21.
Clancy, B., R.B. Darlington and B.L. Finlay. 2001. Translating developmental time across mammalian species. Neuroscience 105(1): 7–17.
Ibid.
See note 9 above.
See note 13 above.

— Caroline Rodgers
Excerpted from "Questions About Prenatal Ultrasound and the Alarming Increase in Autism," Midwifery Today, Issue 80
Read the full article: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/ultrasoundrodgers.asp
View table of contents / Order the back issue

2010-02-15T17:53:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to the local news here. They have linked the murder with the Pearl's web site. I am so heart broken by this situation.

http://www.khsltv.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=10755@khsl.dayport.com

Harsh

2010-02-12T23:23:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say that I feel like I was a bit harsh in my last post. I dont want to impart judgment upon people for using the methods of the Pearls. I just am so rocked by the recent tragedy in our town that I cant help but express my opinion in this manner.

I just wanted to clarify that.

Parenting

2010-02-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

I am not a parent so I obviously don't know as much as some. However, I do believe I have a little more experience with kids than most people I know who are my age without kids. I have been babysitting for a long time now. About 12 years to be exact. I have witnessed families with incredible parenting, horrible parenting, alternative parenting, and really strange parenting.

I have realized that it really doesn't matter what form of discipline or training you use. Consistency is the key.

I was once given a copy of the book, "To train up a child," by Micheal and Debbi pearl. I was about 19 years old when I started reading this book and to be honest I had to put it down after the first chapter. I was sickened. They start out by comparing children to military personal. Here is a passage from the first chapter.

"When headstrong young men join the military, they are first taught to stand still. The many hours of close-order-drill are simply to teach and reinforce submission of the will. "Attention!" pronounced, "TENNN--HUTT!!" is the beginning of all maneuvers. Just think of the relief it would be if by one command you could gain the absolute, silent, concentrated attention of all your children. A sergeant can call his men to attention and then, without explanation, ignore them, and they will continue to stand frozen in that position until they fall out unconscious. The maneuvers "Right flank, Left flank, Companeeey--Halt" have no value in war except as they condition the men to instant, unquestioning obedience."

Boot camp is made to break a person. They want to break you...your spirit. They want you to blindly follow, no questions asked...just do it because you are scared of what they will do to you. I do not believe that this is how God intended us to be with our children.

Everyone is different. God is an intelligent and interesting designer and our children are gifts to us from him. We don't need to break their spirit, but curb it. We are to be examples to our children of Christ's love and a parent-child relationship should emulate our relationship with God. God does not ask us to blindly obey out of fear. We obey because we made a decision to seek God for his forgiveness. The bible instructs us to test everything but to hold fast to what is good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21). We obey because God bestows his love to us in unimaginable ways. And I don not think it is wrong for a child to question why you are asking them to do something. If they question, answer once and if they still insist on questioning that is when disciplinary action should take place.

The reason why I am writing about this is because of the recent tragedy that occurred in Paradise. 1 Child is dead, another is in critical condition (her kidneys are failing), and 7 children are without parents and probably will be without them for the rest of their lives. I am not sure about this but I have a feeling that these parents prescribed to the Pearl's teachings. They used plumbing pipe to "discipline" their children with. The same kind of pipe that is described on the Pearl's web site. I am not going to post a link to because I really don't want people going there and reading what they have to say, however I will describe it to you. Basically a mother wrote in asking about what kind of rod she should use in disciplining her children. They answered by going into specific detail about what size, how much, where to buy it.

This couple in Paradise beat their child to death, and critically wounded another.

I am in tears writing this. I am so glad that I put that book down so many years ago and if I didn't throw it out during our last move I would burn it.

I do not think that everyone who agrees with the Pearls are child abusers. I really don't. I just think that this book...in the wrong hands...in the hands of someone who doesn't realized the depth of God's love for us could cause serious damage. And it already has. This is not the first time a child's death has been linked with the Pearl's "ministry," but I pray that it is the last.

I have a lot more to say about this issue...and I will say more in another post. Until then I pray that the parents who do

2010-01-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

Nesting

2010-01-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

I am not pregnant but I have been finding myself nesting in preparation for this next semester. I feel like I need to have my cabinets and fridge cleaned out before I can start. Recently Sean and I decided to clean our our closets and get rid of some stuff. We were watching the t.v. show "hoarders" at the same time and it really helped! I found myself holding a purse that used to be my grandma's that I will probably never use. It is huge and takes up alot of room, compared to my other purses. I was telling sean that I didnt want to get rid of it and as I was saying it the lady on the show was saying almost the exact same thing about a little trinket from her deceased mother. So I put the purse in the donate pile...and five minutes later retrieved. I am not ready yet :).

I think it might have something to do with the fact that my grandma's husband passed away about a week ago. It made my grandma's passing (2 years ago) more real...more concrete, if that makes any sense. We moved the rest of my grandma's stuff out of the trailer they lived in together and my brother moved in. That was also difficult for me. I dont know if I am ready to go to the house that my grandma lived in all of her life and see my brother inhabiting it. It is going to take some getting used to.

We recently had our nieces spend the night. They slept on the floor of our bedroom and in the morning the 6 year old crawled in my side of the bed and cuddled with me. It made me realize just how ready I am to be done with school so I can have a family of my own! I know that God called me to go to nursing school, but I also know that I was made to be a mother. I am excited that I am about to start my second half of nursing school. I will graduate in december and I will be 26...I know that is not old...but it feels wierd. ok...enough babbling.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may his face shine upon you! May you experience his grace, mercy, comfort and joy!

Whats wrong with my dancing?

2009-12-19T10:02:00.001-08:00

The other night we were celebrating one of my best friend's birthdays. Her almost 2 year old son was dancing with our other friend and when I got up to dance he yelled, "NO, sit down." And then he punched me in my leg.

...

Attempts at getting attention :)

2009-12-17T18:02:00.001-08:00

Sometimes when Sean is busy doing some sort of work on the computer I take lots of pictures of myself and him and I realized to

day that I have tons of pics of him either looking annoyed or totally ignoring me...I think it is funny!

Hahaha....he is sooooo good at ignoring me!

So I just keep taking pictures...

But to be fair...he doesn't ALWAYS ignore me :)

We love each other. Notice our little tree? It is courtesy of our roommate Kaley. Also notice my necklace. My grandma gave me those pearls for my wedding. My grandpa gave them to her a long time ago. I treasure them now since she is in heaven now. When I wear her jewelry I feel close to her

I am half a nurse

2009-12-17T17:56:00.000-08:00

I am half a nurse now. I cannot believe how fast this semester went by. I learned alot but I am nervous for next semester. What if I forget how to put in an IV? Haha...I know that if I forget anything my teacher or classmates will always be there to help and support me.

I guess it just seems surreal that I actually made it through 2 semesters of nursing school. Not just made it through but am doing well. I always thought I was not very smart, and I guess I still think that. I was really scared that I was going to flunk out of nursing school. I am truly grateful to God because I know that he has been very faithful and gracious to me. I to feel like I need step up and start putting more effort into things. I just feel like I give myself to many breaks and I really need to spend this year gleaning whatever I can from my classes and teachers so that I can pass my state board exam when I am done. I need to continually remind myself to trust in God about the exam because I tend to get pretty anxious about it.

Christmas rambling and santa confusion

2009-12-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

Why do parents lie to their kids about santa and then get upset when other kids tell their kids the truth?

I dont get it and I dont want to do that to my future kids. I think I will tell them the history about St. Nicholas and that people make believe that he comes and brings us gifts, but I will not tell him that he is real. It feels so wrong to lie to your kids...and then when they question it to insist that Santa is real. People wonder why their kids dont listen to them.

I am so happy to celebrate christmas. Jesus came to the earth! That is the most amazing thing that has happened in the history of mankind. I also think that Jesus coming to this earth to be a living sacrifice for us is something that we all should be celebrating and contemplating daily. The American christmas complete with a tree, stockings, presents, yummy food, and gathering of family and friends is nice and fun...and I am happy to partake in it. I love all of the traditions (except Santa) and I love any excuse to get together with friends and family.

God is good and so very gracious, and I am so grateful he came to this earth. I am so humbled that he took our sin upon him, suffered in my place and then proved himself by raising from the dead. Thank you JEsus for everything!

wifehood

2009-12-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

My husband loves it when I clean the house. It helps him concentrate, get more work done, and not be depressed when the house is clean. I am not good at cleaning. I have realized since I got married that the only thing I am good at and comes naturally to me is cooking. I love cooking. I love coming home after a long day at school or clinicals and then cooking a yummy meal for me and Sean. He appreciates my cooking, but for some reason the cleaning is the thing that really gets him going :)

I dont really work...well...I work but not nearly as much as sean. We are both in pretty demanding programs at school. He is working on getting his bilingual teaching credential and I am working on becoming an RN. He student teaches at a local high school from 7:30-3:00 and then goes to work from 3:30-6 or 7. He then comes home, eats and either grades papers or prepares his lessons for the next day. I really appreciate the amount of time he works because I know that I would not be able to work like he does. My program is pretty demanding. But it does leave me with more free time than he has so it is my job to keep the house clean...and I would be fired if it was my real job.

I dont know why, but when I get home I immediately want to take a nap, or read blogs, or check my facebook, read books, work out, or hang out with friends. Cleaning is not my first priority and I always feel bad about it.

It is so hard for me to find a balance. I am trying...but it is difficult. Good thing my husband is sweet and patient and wonderful!

Summer in review

2009-09-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

So...it has been a while since I wrote a blog. I have been lurking around other blogs and I feel guilty for not posting! I know TONS of people read this so I decided to finally write about my summer.

I really thought I would have vast amounts of free time this summer and I would be able to hang out with friends and relax. I did get to relax, but working 5 days a week during the whole summer made it kind of hard to see people. I still got to see people who I neglect during the semester but definitely not as much as I thought I would. At the end of each day I was tired!

June started off nicely, I started working at the assessment office at my school during the last week in May. Originally I committed to working for 3 weeks because someone was going on paternity leave (yes I said paternity). I was planning on taking the CNA test. I ended up working there the whole summer and I am actually going to take the CNA test next weekend. I AM NERVOUS!

I was very grateful for the job. We managed to go on a few weekend trips this summer. In June we went to southern california for a reunion with some of the students I spent time with in Peru. It was really fun to take Sean down to the bible college and introduce him to my friends that he has only seen pictures of.

Here I am playing CAJONE with my amigo Jason

Temecula wine country is beautiful! We stopped at a wine tasting and went pee...we didnt try any wine :)

We spent the night at a NASTY motel!

Here we are halfway down california in the middle of the night

Next post: What we did in july!

2009-06-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes...I am really serious...

Sometimes I look like sarah palin...I was a bride's maid in my dear friend Erica's wedding...

mother's day

2009-06-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

For mother's day this year, my husband and I decided to gift my mother-in-law with a night at her house. We would provide the food and we would just hang out. My mother-in-law LOVES to have people over to her house and it doesn't happen very often because she lives about 1 hour from all of her kids.

Recently I made a Mexican casserole made out of mostly leftovers. I just threw a bunch of crap together and it was very delicious (I am pretty confident in my cooking skills :). While we were eating I asked my husband what he wanted me to make for dinner and he said he wanted the leftover Mexican casserole.

So today I tried to recreate the yummy dish...except using all fresh ingredients, instead of leftovers...I really have no idea how is is going to turn out. I couldn't remember everything I put in the last one.

I also made a peanut butter cream pie with an Oreo cookie crust. I got the recipe from pioneer woman and it looks sooooo good. I am sad because my camera battery is dead so I cant take a picture.

fact

2009-06-09T19:01:00.001-07:00

Couscous...is my new true love...

2009-05-25T11:32:00.000-07:00

study group today! I am so excited to get this final over and done with so I can enjoy life with my husband again...haha...it sounds like I have such a hard life. I dont, I am just being dramatic :)

Seriously though, it is hard to be stuck inside the house on such a beautiful day. Everyone else is outside getting a tan...I want a tan!!

I start work this week. I am going to work at Butte's assessment office again for like a month and then hopefully I will be able to get a job as a CNA. They told me at the assessment office that if I cant find a job as a CNA then I can continue to work for them throughout the summer. I feel so lucky...so many people out there cant find work...I am blessed. God is so good and ever since Sean and I both started back at school full time He has provided perfectly for us (not that He didnt provide for us before, it is just different now because we work less but still can afford everything we need and then some). We havent had to take out any new student loans. I seriously am so grateful to God. I honestly cant explain it any other way than God's perfect provision!

My ears are plugged

2009-05-20T09:55:00.001-07:00

I got sick this week. Sean had a sore throat and cough and I caught a much more severe version of it. This always happens. I guess my immune system is just weaker than his. So I feel alright now, except my ears are plugged and I have no sense of smell (which effects my sense of taste). Today is the last day of clinicals and we are supposed to bring food for the nurses. I made some spanish rice and I cannot smell it. And when I try to taste it all I can taste is spice. I asked Sean to taste it and he said that it tastes tomatoey (I know tomatoey is not a word!). I hope it tastes alright...

I am really excited for the semester to be over. I have totally lost all my motivation to study which sucks because I have a 100 question final worth 200 points on tuesday. I just need to be more disciplined...and I need my ears to be unplugged...that would help :)Btw...have I mentioned that I love this man very much! He is amazing.

not sure

2009-05-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

So, I made my version of chicken tortilla soup today and I thought it turned out pretty yummy. Then I overheard my teenage brother in law and his friend talking while they ate it...this is what he said, "oooh man, this is so good, it is like taco bell soup!"

Is that a compliment?

I am mad

2009-04-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

So...one of my guilty pleasures is watching this show called Bothers and Sisters. It has some really great dialogue and the way the family interacts with each other is so realistic. I watched it today and I am mad. ONe of the main characters started cheating on her husband...they just adopted a baby...and she started cheating on her husband. Honestly, I know it is just a tv show...and I shouldnt get so involved...but it made me feel physically sick to my stomach. I am mad!!

That is all I have to say about that...

On another note, The Amazing Race is the best show ever...I want to be on it someday!!

2009-04-24T09:00:00.001-07:00

So, I am almost done with this semester. To be honest, I dont want it to end. I feel like I am learning tons of useful information and techniques. I really love nursing school. I am looking forward to the summer though so I can have a chance to work. We really want to pay off my car and save some money so Sean wont need to work so much next semester. He will be starting the bilingual teaching credential program and I would love it if he didnt need to work full time like he has been. I want him to get everything he can from this program. I am so proud of him. He works so hard, and has had hardly any time to just relax and hang out with friends. He is amazing. I feel guilty sometimes because i am not working this semester. I am busy with school, but I have more down time than he does...and I feel bad. Hopefully I can find a job as a CNA and work full time over the summer and then 2 days a week during the semester. We will see...I am trusting in God for this...because if I have learned anything in my life it is to trust in God...fully...because he will never leave me or forsake me and has proven himself faithful not only in my life but throughout history. He is good.

Better

2009-04-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

Things are better...thank you Laurie for praying. It is hard to raise a teenager...but God is good...and has grace for us!

2009-04-21T12:19:00.001-07:00

Sean and I need your prayers...more info someday...right now just pray for wisdom

Pleated Petal Tank ANTHROPOLIFICATION GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-04-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Pleated Petal Tank ANTHROPOLIFICATION GIVEAWAY!!!!

sore

2009-04-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted...

Yesterday was was a very mentally and physically draining day at the hospital. My Patient needed help with everything. I am sore today, my back muscles do not agree with lifting and moving patients. I am tired...but I am so very grateful for my classmates. Whenever I needed help I knew that all I had to do was ask and someone would be right by my side. I love everyone in my class...more and more each day!!

Bob Barker

2009-04-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

You can tell when I am hormonal when I watch in interview with Bob Barker on the today show and cry my eyes out. To be fair, he was talking about his wife and how if it wasnt for her he wouldnt be where is today. He said that she always supported him, always believed in him, followed him even when the things seemed rocky. She produced all of his shows, and gave him inspiration. I want to be that kind of wife. Not because I want Sean to become a famous game show host, but because I want Sean to know he has my support through everything...He is going to be such a great High School teacher/future dad!

2009-04-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

today is my first day of clinicals where I will be caring for a patient without a partner! I am glad...and nervous. I know that I have no reason to be nervous, my fellow students are there to help me, and my teachers. I really have nothing to be nervous about. I just want to be the best nurse I can be and I really want to get as much as I possibly can out of these clinicals. In order to get alot out of them I need to be ready and willing to do any procedures that I hear about. If I hear a nurse talking about inserting a catheter I need to volunteer...I am scared...but I know that God will be there. I have been realizing the presence of God more lately. Not feeling...but realizing; realizing that He is present...it gives me great peace...until someone asks who wants to do a catheter...then I will panic :)

First real day of clinicals

2009-03-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day in the hospital and today is the first day that I will actually be caring for patients. Yesterday was good, it was a chance to get to know my floor a little and find out where things are located.

I don't think I like this hospital. It is old, small, and very hot and stuffy. I will be working in the Extended care unit and long term care unit. It is dark....and stifling. I feel bad for the patients. One of my tasks yesterday was to go into patients rooms and introduce myself to 3 patients.

It hit me...I will be caring for these patients...I will be in a position to be so close and to see every part of them. Some of the parts that have only been seen my their mom or spouse...

It is a little terrifying. What if I fail? What if I gag? What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt them? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I forget how to do everything I ever learned?

I feel so inadequate...like I am playing dress up in my scrubs with my stethoscope around my neck. My clipboard makes me look nice and professional...but I am inwardly shaking...I am scared.

Now I understand why my instructors made sure we know where the secret places to cry are the hospital...

The good thing is that God is present. I can trust in him...I need to trust in Him...I need to remember that God has placed me here for a reason...please use me God...for your glory!!

2009-03-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

This is my friend amber ...she got married to brian...and I love her

Here is me and my brown trout and our dear friend brian...he got married...to amber

here I am at Jason's wedding...

This is my mom, dad, grandpa and grandma from my dad's side...oh yeah...and my seany

2009-03-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

I decided to post some random pics...so here they are

I call this pic..."In the Womb"

Excited!

2009-03-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! A little nervous, lots of butterflys.

I am starting clinicals tomorrow! I am more nervous about the paperwork than anything else. We have tons of paper work that we have to fill out every day. Tomorrow I will not really be doing very much patient care. Just getting oriented to the hospital and introducing myself to the patients.

It is my prayer that God would use me, in any way that he wants. I want to be able to be a comfort, help, instiller of hope...useful, and an awesome testimony of what Jesus Christ has done for me.

God is so good...

busy

2009-03-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

I need to get alot done today. I realized that I had more homework than I had originally thought...so that will take alot of the day. I also have not gone on a run this entire week...I said I would go every day this week.

I also need to go see my great aunt, she is in a nursing home right now which makes me so very sad because I firmly believe that old people should be with family during their last days on earth. But extreme circumstances in my family do not allow for that.

I also need to make some enchiladas...I am excited about that...I really love enchiladas!!!

I am so excited because my grandpa gave me some beautiful pictures of flowers to put up in my house. They will go in the downstairs bathroom. I went to the dollar store and bought some great frames to put them in. Maybe I will take pictures and post them on here...probably not...but maybe.

I need God's grace!

pina

Homework day...

2009-03-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today is a homework day for me...I really need to be diligent and get everything done!! I also need to run a few errands for my esposito.

I think I will make pizza tonight, I have some leftover spaghetti sauce that I can use....I have yet to conquer the home made dough, I really want to make some home made pizza dough...but I just don't know how and don't really have the time. Good thing Trader Joe's has great whole wheat dough.

Pray for me!!! I need to have self discipline.

heart

pina

He is adorable

2009-03-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

I love this picture of Sean...he is so cute!!

2009-03-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

not sure how...but I started following myself...

I need to figure this thing out!!

My first time

2009-03-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

so, this is my first official blog post. I don't consider facebook notes or myspace "blogs" real blogs. I figured, since I am very addicted to reading other people's blogs I might as well start one of my own. I am the definition of a lurker. I read tons of blogs and never comment on them. But I am changing my ways...I really want to get into this.

I think this will be a place where I will post recipes, my daily adventures in nursing school, what I am learning about myself, God, my marriage....and whatever else I feel like talking about.

Maybe I will learn how to put pictures on this thing!!!

ok....adios

pina marie brown