New Years Resolutions

I need to be a better person. I have always had a bad habit of being really obnoxious, loud and overly sarcastic when in social situations. I often don't realize it till everyone has gone home, that maybe I joked around a bit to much. Maybe I embarrassed someone by making them the but if my joke, or maybe I just went to far with coarse humor. I know that part of that is just who I am and that is fine. Sarcasm is a wonderful tool when not overly used. I also have felt a conviction to try and be a better person/friend. 

I have always been the class clown. I was the one who would humiliate myself just to make everyone around me laugh. For some reason when there is a lull in a conversation, I feel like I need to fill it up with some funny story or joke. A lot of times it is funny...but a lot of times it is awkward...and unnecessary. 

I think part of this issue is the fact that I live a pretty isolated life these days. Don't get me wrong . I am so grateful to God and my husband for the opportunity to stay home with my funny little girl. I just feel like because of my current situation when I do get a chance to hang out with friends my sarcastic/attention seeking behavior is kicked up a notch just because I am so starved for adult interaction. 

I feel bad about this. I feel like I may have pushed some people away because I have made them feel awkward. For that I am truly sorry. I hope to change. I plan to be a better friend this year. To form deeper connections and relate to people by listening and not being so quick to crack a joke. 

And I am sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings or made you feel embarrassed at one point in time. That truly was never my intention. It is just my insecurities about social settings coming out. 

One last thing. This is not a plea for people to tell me that I am fine and I don't need to change. I honestly just wanted to express this to some people and this seemed like the best way to do it :)

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