Gratitude?

This is a word I never thought I would be struggling with. But these past couple days my life has had some twists and turns that I never expected. I think it is interesting that my facebook status on thursday said, "My life is drastically different than I ever planned for it to be, and for that I am grateful." Than friday happened, and I am not sure if grateful is the word I would use to describe how I feel.

I had a horrible experience with a doctor here in town. When I told him that I wanted a second opinion he basically said that was a stupid idea and that I should just trust what he says. I am sorry...but that is not the way I make decisions regarding my health. I am an educated person who makes educated decisions. He was trying to take that away from me. I called my the on call line for my gynecologist in tears and she reassured me that I didnt need to start the drug that day and she moved her schedule around to see me on monday. I am so glad.

So now, I am facing some tough decisions. I am leaning towards taking the drug and also adopting a strict paleo diet in an effort to decrease the inflammation in my body caused by the rupture of my gigantic cyst.

I am trying my hardest to trust in the Lord...but it is difficult...I would be lying if I said I havent been pretty emotional these days. It is hard. But I am so thankful for Sean, he has been there for me through everything.

One more thing, I appreciate all of the success stories people have been telling me about conceiving after loosing an ovary or inspite of endometriosis, but honestly I dont really need to hear about all of the success stories. I am just trying to be the healthiest I can be and have come to terms with the fact that I may not have children from my body and that is ok. If I was to get pregnant, that would be amazing, if not...I would survive. Actually more than survive. I would understand that I am supposed to adopt...which I have always felt called to.