First real day of clinicals

Yesterday was the first day in the hospital and today is the first day that I will actually be caring for patients. Yesterday was good, it was a chance to get to know my floor a little and find out where things are located. 
I don't think I like this hospital. It is old, small, and very hot and stuffy. I will be working in the Extended care unit and long term care unit. It is dark....and stifling. I feel bad for the patients. One of my tasks yesterday was to go into patients rooms and introduce myself to 3 patients. 

It hit me...I will be caring for these patients...I will be in a position to be so close and to see every part of them. Some of the parts that have only been seen my their mom or spouse...

It is a little terrifying. What if I fail? What if I gag? What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt them? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I forget how to do everything I ever learned? 
I feel so inadequate...like I am playing dress up in my scrubs with my stethoscope around my neck. My clipboard makes me look nice and professional...but I am inwardly shaking...I am scared.

Now I understand why my instructors made sure we know where the secret places to cry are the hospital...

The good thing is that God is present. I can trust in him...I need to trust in Him...I need to remember that God has placed me here for a reason...please use me God...for your glory!! 

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